Nº. 4 of  26

TO MY WIFE

THINGS I'LL DO, THINGS I WON'T.
EITHER WAY, YOU'LL BE MINE AND I'LL BE YOURS.

CHEATIN’

Please don’t cheat on me with my best friend. It would ruin our marriage and I’m sure her boyfriend would be PISSED.

PRETTY IN PINK

Our boy can paint his toenails whatever color he likes.

GOTTA GO

If you really have to go to the bathroom, like Niagara Falls level emergency, and there’s a long line for the ladies room…I’ll wait outside the mens room and make up ridiculous stories until you’re good to go.

HANDY

Let’s be real. We know neither of us can fix that sink for shit, so let’s just call the plumber. 

TRUST

I’d trust you with my AIM, facebook AND twitter passwords…just in case there are any social media emergencies such as dancing cats wearing tuxedos.

SMOTHER

It’s probably best if neither of us smother each other with romance and crap but also pillows. I do not want to die at your hand.

TEAMWORK

Working out party exit strategies before going to said parties is true love.

BRAHS

Since I guess, you know…we’re married—you’re okay if my “brahs” get married to each other.

HOLDING

I will hold the door, your coat, your hand, grumpily hold your bag but no lapdogs of any kind.

WIKILEAKS

I will not release any sex tapes resulting from or relationship to the interwebs.

Nº. 4 of  26